[en]Short jokes

[Lord Nicko]

So much for the request of "SHORT Jokes"

Think ill read the longer ones another day!

keep em coming anyways :p


:cheers:

[Cork2]

Originally posted by Lord Nicko
So much for the request of "SHORT Jokes"

Think ill read the longer ones another day!

keep em coming anyways :p


:cheers:


Yea i was genne sugest the starter of this thread to change the title to just jokes or something.

[Cork2]

The Hit and Run Case

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

[Arjenvs]

Originally posted by Cork2
Yea i was genne sugest the starter of this thread to change the title to just jokes or something.

Or just only post short jokes!!!!

Easier to read....:cheers:

[Dobber]

"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things
you've
started."

So I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished.
So, today I have finished off a batch of Margaritas, a bottle of
vodka, the last of the brandy, my Prozac, a box of
chocolates and licked the Cool Whip container clean.




.............You have no idea how good I feel....:D :cheers:

[Dobber]

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very
hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon
a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and
jumped in the water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while
enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area,
who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their
clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi
covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister
and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his
privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY
congregation, it's my face they would recognize."

[Dobber]

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Bob always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Martha?"


Martha looks him over, "Nope."

Bob says excitedly, "Come on, Martha, take a good look. Notice anything different about
me?"


Martha looks again, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bob storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room
completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?"


Martha looks up and says, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and the damn thing will be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bob Yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THE SON OF A ***** IS HANGING DOWN, MARTHA? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"


To which Martha replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bob. ....... Shoulda bought a hat."

[Dobber]

CHRISTMAS WARNING...



Christmas has been canceled
and it is all your fault
because you told Santa
you had been good this year.



And he died laughing!

[Arjenvs]

Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike?
A: It was going too fast for her to get on.

[Kdar]

http://pics.pokazuha.ru/obj4/x/1597098irx.jpg


are you know how to use word?? :D

[Cork2]

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"

[King Aldred]

One day a man wanted to tgo fishing. -So he said to jis wife: " today I'm going to fish and the family is coming with me."
now the family was in fact his wife and the dog.
th wife who had absolutly not the slightest interest in fishing started complaining. whereto the man answerd: we are going for a fish, end of discussion. but the wife REALLY didn't want to go. So the man said: listen, I give you 3 options: you come with me, you **** my dick or you take it up the ***. I know you need to concider this so I'll go in the shed and prepare everything and then come back for the answer.

now the woman REALLY didn't want to go fishing, but the other options didn't really attract her :beek: but is the end she desides to give him a blow job.

the man comes back from the shed and *** for the answer, so the wife tells him and starts doing it. now she has done this before but this time it tastes really foul. and after a while she stops and sais: what is this, it tastes really ****ty. whereto the man replies: "I know, the dog didn't wanne come either."


:cheers:

[Dobber]

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? " The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said, "Yes, she did." "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

Have your mother explain that to you."

[Dobber]

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. The husband gets up in a rage and says, "and you are no good in bed either" and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to phone after many rings and the irritated husband says "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this late, doing what"?

"Getting a second opinion," she says.

[Dobber]

Anybody got any good short jokes they would like to share with us?

[Kdar]

Ok one of mine.


A American in Russian Bus trevel from one city to other.
On way to bus destination he comes up to bus driver and ask for tualet. Bus driver say 1 sec, and stops near woods and say to american "there" while pointing at woods. American go out and than come back in about 20 min. And say to bus driver, i did hind any tualet"

[Kdar]

Wife call to her husbant, while he is driving car, and she says "Huny plz, be carreful on road. On news they tolk about some crasy guy driving on other side of road."

Husbant "Oh there like hundrets of people like this on road"

[the knightly sword]

an bellman joke
once upon a time there was a germen an russian and an bellman . they walked and
suddenly a huge giant appeard , they seemed to have walked into his territory , he said "i will give you one chance each one of ya , because of my sportsmanship soul if you tell me one thing i cant do you can leave but if i can do it you will be eaten" , first was the germens turn he said
"you cant jump to mars , run a round on it and come back in one second "
the giant made it and he eat him up .
now it was the russians turn he said
"you can jump to the moon and then jump to jupiter and run a round and then comeback in one second "
he eat up the russian
now it was bellmans turn , he farted and told the giant to run after the fart and paint it green . the giant never came back.

[Dobber]

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake, while her dad is getting his hair cut. The Barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie!" She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs, too!"

[Dobber]

A guy called his boss and told him he wouldn't be at work because he had "anal glaucoma".
The boss said, "Anal glaucoma, what's that?"
The guy said, "I just can't see my @$$ coming into work today!"